Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
