Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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