Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
