she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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