my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
