So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
