the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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