No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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