Sponge bath it is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
