he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
