I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
