what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize