I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize