I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
