She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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