She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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