this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
