if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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