I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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