Apparently you make a good broom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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