last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
