Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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