i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
