dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
