It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
