Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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