so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
