I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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