Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
