Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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