WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
