And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
