You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
