I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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