He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You are the jesus of drinking
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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