He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
