the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
