My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
