I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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