Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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