she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
