I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
