He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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