Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
