Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
