Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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