i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
