you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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