I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
