Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
