I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
