yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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