The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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