I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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