ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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