Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
