so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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