He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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