I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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