I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
