She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
