Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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