i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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